Not a New Year's Resolution!

As I said on my SparkPeople Vlog last night: Me being back is not a product of some kind of New Year’s Resolution. Not that losing weight is Resolution or that Resolutions are bad – it is just not my reason. If it was the 3^rd week of February I would be back due to the past two weeks I have had.

I have felt like poo! Sluggish, unhealthy, too old feeling – poo. Could it be because I have not posted here since September? Could it be that since then I have been on a free for all in the food department? If it was fried and smothered it was on my plate. It finally caught up to me and I have felt awful the past two weeks.

On Thursday, December 30^th I made the decision that is enough is enough – as soon as I got home it was back to work on myself. I have no excuse – I can’t blame stress, hormones or even JAG – I have tried, but he just laughs. I stepped on my friend the scale yesterday and it said…

189

Yeap…that is three pounds less then my start weight – no wonder I feel like poo!

I just dug through pictures from vacation and I could post so many where I believe I look like poo, but I don’t think that is not productive. 2011 is the year of productive StrawberryTart!

So, I am here and I am back on SparkPeople full time – that means I track my food and I VLOG. I hope to keep you updated here with my daily achievements and struggles – we will see what evolves.

Food Fridays will start this Friday. Similar to What I Wore Wednesday, Food Fridays  is where I will document everything I have eaten during the past week (Fri thru Thurs night). I will be accountable to report not only a picture for everything, but also the nutritional standing.

Also, this week I am back on Couch to 5k! yeah ---- that should be YAY YAY YAY! I have 5k in my sights for April and I so so want to do it – we will see.

So, there you have it – am I back and the next time you see me I hope there will be less of me! We will see.

SW = 192

Restart Weight: 189

LW = 135 (long time ago)

GW = 150

UGW = 142

I weigh in every Monday – so if you just want to see if I am actually walking the walking then Monday’s are the day to check back.

I am getting no sponsorship from SparkPeople, I just believe that it is the most wonderful free support I have ever had. I welcome you to join me or even just go watch Vlogs if you want  - that is fine.

Click Here to Visit My Sparkpeople Page.

Click Here to go to SparkPeople Main Page.

My Battle

With the Camera. You thought it was something more dramatic, huh?

I have learned the past few days that I am not alone, but at the same time I my issues are in my head.

Take for instance this picture. From a photographic stand point it is perfect.

Taken by a talented man with a very handsome man by my side, but if I had it my way it would look like this.

I know...bad zoom job.

I know it is irritating for most that I am like this and I am trying my hardest to get over it. This issue (problem…defect) came to ahead Monday night when I received part of my bridal portraits – wish I could show you, but you know have to keep it a surprise. Again, perfect photography, perfect location, lighting…everything. Everything, but me or so I feel. I automatically started picked myself apart. Why do I do this? – no clue.

When I look in a mirror I don’t do it. I feel great, but when someone lays down a picture in front of me I cringe. The past two days I have been looking for things on self love and self esteem, but I don’t think that is it. It isn’t that easy to lump it into one condition or area of focus. I love myself, but I don’t love my body. I think I am pretty Awesome on most days – not trying to be big headed. I believe I have talents that are unique to me and try my hardest not to compare the talents God has given me to the talents he has given others.

During last week’s sermon Jay Bakker asked “Are you being who God created you to be in all your unique-ness?” I would say “Definitely! But on the inside.” I love the women I have become. I just don’t love the body I have become it in. Does that make sense?

I hear you…Well get off your chubby butt and do something about it. The question I pose to myself is – Now matter what weight I am will I always call myself fat?

To get over my issue with the camera – I have signed on (meaning I am doing it-I didn’t sign anything) to do What I Wore Wednesday and link with Pleated Poppy. I have been sitting on it for 3 weeks now, so today I started. I posted just one picture, but it’s a step in the right direction, right?

Here it is

And here is the entry at StrawberryTart!. Read it here.  

Thank you. Thank you for readying. Thank you for listening to my mental babbling.

Confessions of a Carb-a-holic

Urgh! This is a HUGE problem for me! Since I have been back in the swing of monitoring and logged everything I eat I have noticed I get most of my calories from carbs and I am lacking big time in the protein department.

Let’s look at carbs first. Here are my pie (hmmm pie) charts for the last two days.

Tuesday

Wednesday

See all those carbs? It’s crazy…last night (or almost every night) I craved bread. I allowed myself one slice of whole-wheat bread, but I could have eaten an entire cake (more about that tomorrow).

Sparkpeople recommends that I have between 60 to 136 grams of protein a day. Tuesday I hit 41 grams and yesterday I only got up to 31 grams. It’s not that I don’t know how to fix this; it’s that I really really really love carbs. I love carbs almost as much as I love sleep-ask JAG…he will tell you how many time I say “I love sleep.”

I guess this is my way of saying I am aware of it and I need to work on it and by tell you it means I have to come back later and tell you that my carbs and proteins are all in line.

As I was typing this post I got an email from sparkpeople entitled The Truth about Carbohydrates – I know it’s like they were reading my mind. Here is there simple advice.

How do you include carbohydrates in you diet in a safe, effective, and controlled way? The “Please KISS Me” (Please Keep It So Simple for Me) plan for carbohydrate control is a wonderful tool that only contains 3 simple rules:

RULE 1: Include the following in your diet:

• Fruits: 2-4 servings daily
• Vegetables: 3-5 servings daily
• Whole grain breads, muffins, bagels, rolls, pasta, noodles, crackers, cereal, and brown rice: 6-11 servings daily
• Legumes, beans and peas: 1-2 servings daily
• Low-fat and non-fat dairy products: 3 servings daily

RULE 2: Limit the following to less than 2 servings daily:

• Fruit Juice
• Refined and processed white flour products (bread, muffins, bagels, rolls, pasta, noodles, crackers, cereal)
• White rice
• French fries
• Fried vegetables

RULE 3: Eliminate the following from your diet or eat only on occasion:

• Sugary desserts, cookies, cakes, pies, candies
• Doughnuts and pastries
• Chips, cola and carbonated beverages
• Sugar, honey, syrup, jam, jelly, molasses

Here is a cute cartoon I found while searching for carb pics.

After post edit or thought: I really need to watch that fat too. I am in range, but dang!

What is it Going to Take?

Ever ask yourself that? I did yesterday.

JAG and I felt like crap all weekend. Why you ask…our bodies are telling us “Enough with the crap you have been putting in me. I am going to rebel and see if you get the hint.” I feel like poo!

So what is going to take?  What will get me back on track? What do I need to do to realize this weight isn’t just going to drop off of me especially standing in line at a Pizza Buffet?

If you stumbled upon my blog today, I am sorry. I have no tips or advice for you today. I am lost. I have fallen of the wagon, rolled to the side of the road and cried because the wagon is five miles up the road and I have no clue how to get back on it.

JAG and I have found the good and the bad sides of losing weight together. When we are motivated we are AWESOME together, but when one of us falls off we grab the other and drag him or her to nearest deep fried eatery. We love food, we love each other and we love food. So we love to eat food together. Big downfall.

It kind of feels like two addicts, I want him to do well and I want to do well, but it harder then anything to get both of us back on the wagon lately. We are done justifying…that is a good thing, but at the same time we are in the “oh who cares” mood about our weight and that is not good at all. I need to do better to help him and he needs to do better to help me.

I have got to get motivated! I actually let Shelby take this picture of me and at the time I thought, “eh I am ok with myself like this…I don’t need to lose weight.” Then I got sick that afternoon from overeating pizza. That and trying on my now tailored wedding dress has led me to this post.

Hello, my name is StrawberryTart and I am a food addict. First step, right?

Note to Myself: I am so MAD at You!

Dear Not Ever Going to Be Skinny Tart –

184! Really? 184. You have got to be kidding me! You weighed in at 180 Friday night! You were so close to breaking into that 170 area. You could have done it, but you got an attitude thinking that you were doing so awesome and you deserve a little break. So where did you go? Huh? Go ahead…tell your readers! Yeap, Cheesecake Factory and you yanked JAG right off the wagon with you.

Shoving fattening food in your mouth didn’t end there did it? Saturday morning you just had to have the Cheese Danish at Starbucks…wonder how many calories that was. On Sunday you did better with toast for breakfast and lunch wasn’t too bad, but I soon as you proclaimed “I am an emotional eater” when the chicken fried chicken was placed before you for dinner I knew it was over.

I thought Monday morning when you woke up to find your engagement ring was tight on your fat swollen finger that you would get the hint, but I was so wrong! By 8 pm Monday night you were saying “Ah another piece of pizza.” Then, you fell into the trap of dessert pizza. I hope all that apple crumble goodness was worth it because you are now four pounds heavier!

Get Your Act Together!

Me

Dear Me –

I am fully aware of your disappointment and I am sorry. I after getting on the scale this morning I did put on a cute dress that shows my legs…I think they are getting thinner (maybe not from this angle, but still).

Then, in hopes of keeping myself inline I put on my 10 pound reward earrings from Funky Vintage Kitchen.

I proceed into my kitchen and decided I should not take leftover pizza for lunch. So I made a better decision.

I think that is my theme for today…I will make a better decision then yesterday and then things will get better.

Thank you for the tough love

StrawberryTart!-I will be SkinnyTart someday!

I Told Them They Were Not Invited to The Wedding.

Yeap! I did it. I looked right into the mirror and told these flabby, flapping arms they were to not come within a hundred mile radius of my big day.

I mean they have already made an embarrassing appearance at Kim’s wedding.

Yikes. What kind of funky dance move was that? I think that maybe that was a too many glasses of wine move.

Seriously, though this is the picture that I untagged of myself on facebook. It was just too much. I couldn’t stand thinking people would see this.

So, how am I going to do it? I gotta set some major goals. I don’t want to set a weight goal. I don’t want to say “I have to lose 25 pounds before the wedding.” Nope I want to set some weekly nutriotion and fitness goals.

Ok! Stop LAUGHING! Yes this is me the girl who dropped Tennis last year because I really didn’t want to run to chase a ball. And this is the girl that could knock back two big macs in one setting because McDonald’s had a 2 for offer. That is why I am sitting here today typing this…obese and unhealthy.

Here is my plan!

Food!

1. I plan to eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day. And track every morsel that gets put into my mouth through Spark People.
2. I plan to eat out (fast food and restaurants) no more then twice a week. This is huge for us…if there is one thing JAG and I have in common it is our love for food.
3. It’s not just the calories it is the type of foods. I need to keep fats at a range of 27-60, Carbs at a range of 135-252, and protein 60-136. I didn’t come up with this on my own, Spark People helps with this.
4. WATER!!! I drink diet soda A LOT. Diet soda, wine, and coffee. Water needs to be up to eight 8-oz glasses a day. I have known this since I was 18 and teaching other people to do it. It can be done and will also do wonders for my face.

Fitness!

1. Cardio everyday! I know it is extreme, but for right now I need it. I need to do atleast 45 minutes everyday. I will alternate between the treadmill and allowing Jillian Michaels to kick my butt.
2. Oh I am going to dread this, but resistance training (muscle building and toning) especially in those flabby arms everyday! I plan to do bridal bootcamp everyday.

Don’t worry…you will keep my accountable. I will come and tell you how it goes. Especially will Jillian. That broad kicks my booty and I usually quit mid-way through, so my ultimate goal is to make it through an entire 45 minutes with the same intensity she puts out.

What is Spark People?  It is awesome and I will definitely share with you my experience tomorrow. Or you could be proactive, click the link or click the icon on my side bar and get directly to my page. I post daily (well almost daily) video blogs for my spark friends. Just fyi I am not being paid my Spark People and I just think it is cooler then cool!

I Wish I Could Lose Weight As Well

Before I give you all of my lovely weight loss information can I please just brag on my future husband? Just for a minute. Not only is he AWESOME! He has also had a huge weight loss since we started dating. So much so, that the picasa face recognizer that organizes all of your pictures by person doesn’t even recognize the new him.

Here are my two JAGs.

The JAG that I first started dating and the JAG today. I wish I would have had another angle to compare this with, but look at his face. This man has lost over 61 pounds…I think half of that while we have been dating.

I am so proud of him and I so wish I could lose like that! Just fyi…men lose way faster than woman and I think that is sooo unfair!

Another fyi…JAG knew nothing about this blog…heehee.