Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My Battle

With the Camera. You thought it was something more dramatic, huh?

I have learned the past few days that I am not alone, but at the same time I my issues are in my head.

Take for instance this picture. From a photographic stand point it is perfect.

Taken by a talented man with a very handsome man by my side, but if I had it my way it would look like this.
I know...bad zoom job.
I know it is irritating for most that I am like this and I am trying my hardest to get over it. This issue (problem…defect) came to ahead Monday night when I received part of my bridal portraits – wish I could show you, but you know have to keep it a surprise. Again, perfect photography, perfect location, lighting…everything. Everything, but me or so I feel. I automatically started picked myself apart. Why do I do this? – no clue.

When I look in a mirror I don’t do it. I feel great, but when someone lays down a picture in front of me I cringe. The past two days I have been looking for things on self love and self esteem, but I don’t think that is it. It isn’t that easy to lump it into one condition or area of focus. I love myself, but I don’t love my body. I think I am pretty Awesome on most days – not trying to be big headed. I believe I have talents that are unique to me and try my hardest not to compare the talents God has given me to the talents he has given others.

During last week’s sermon Jay Bakker asked “Are you being who God created you to be in all your unique-ness?” I would say “Definitely! But on the inside.” I love the women I have become. I just don’t love the body I have become it in. Does that make sense?

I hear you…Well get off your chubby butt and do something about it. The question I pose to myself is – Now matter what weight I am will I always call myself fat?

To get over my issue with the camera – I have signed on (meaning I am doing it-I didn’t sign anything) to do What I Wore Wednesday and link with Pleated Poppy. I have been sitting on it for 3 weeks now, so today I started. I posted just one picture, but it’s a step in the right direction, right?
Here it is
And here is the entry at StrawberryTart!. Read it here.  

Thank you. Thank you for readying. Thank you for listening to my mental babbling.

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If you read me you know Awesome is my word and I think you are so Awesome for reading me. I think it is even more Awesome to get comments! Thank you for reading - I look forward to hearing what you have to say!